Horrible Suburban Little Deaths

I used to buy small animals at Woolworth's

the parakeets there often looked

so sad and puffed up

and the gerbils were pretty scruffy

but the other rodents seemed to be ok

and every now and then a new parakeet

or finch or turtle would arrive

that showed a little bit of extra sunshine

These I would buy before

the monotony of the store

had a chance to grind them down

I would take them home with me

My baby male hamster had seven babies

I figured this one out when the

cat knocked over the cage

and I saw little pink things

squirming in the cedar

Mamma hamster ate most of her babies

but two of them survived

then got this weird hamster disease

where their testicles

swelled up to the size of golf balls

These I would buy before

the monotony of the store

had a chance to grind them down

I would take them home with me

home with me, home with me

and eventually they would die

horrible, freaky, suburban little deaths.

The cat used to eat all of the birds

he'd climb up on the wall, take them

out of the cage and eat them

then deposit them behind the sofa

The cat used to knock around the turtle

he'd lift up his left paw

and knock it flat against the wall

and I'd hear a crack…   CHORUS

Words & Music © 2006  by Aaron Mayer Frankel