Lyrics

I used to buy small animals at Woolworth's
the parakeets there often looked
so sad and puffed up
and the gerbils were pretty scruffy
but the other rodents seemed to be ok
and every now and then a new parakeet
or finch or turtle would arrive
that showed a little bit of extra sunshine

These I would buy before
the monotony of the store
had a chance to grind them down
I would take them home with me

My baby male hamster had seven babies
I figured this one out when the
cat knocked over the cage
and I saw little pink things
squirming in the cedar

Mamma hamster ate most of her babies
but two of them survived
then got this weird hamster disease
where their testicles
swelled up to the size of golf balls

These I would buy before
the monotony of the store
had a chance to grind them down
I would take them home with me
home with me, home with me
and eventually they would die
horrible, freaky, suburban little deaths.

The cat used to eat all of the birds
he'd climb up on the wall, take them
out of the cage and eat them
then deposit them behind the sofa

The cat used to knock around the turtle
he'd lift up his left paw
and knock it flat against the wall
and I'd hear a crack… CHORUS